Nothing can make me dance with abandon like a smoke-filled club strung out on CRUNK.
I also have both short and long term goals for doing so. So please save the condescending lectures (and arm-chair therapy) for someone else.
This big girl (and I suspect every other big girl with access to a TV) doesn’t need it.
They see girls like me as sisters, as homegirls, but not as love options, because they don’t find big girls sexy.
They usually find us I know there is this myth in Black America that brothers like their sisters thick, thick like a luscious milkshake, that “brings all the boys to the yard,” as it were.
What I’m getting at is something much more fundamental. Several months ago I was in a bar/lounge type spot, with a group of 7 or 8 homegirls.
Because desire is socially constructed (no matter how much folks justify their limited dating choices based on ‘natural preference’), the fact that we live in a fat-hating culture greatly affects who we’re attracted to, and what we find attractive. We ranged in size and skin tone, from short and petite, to tall and lanky, from light-skinned to dark-skinned, from skinny to fat (me being the fat one), and everything in between. My girl gave us his vital statistics and it turns out the brother is highly intelligent and very accomplished. This I discovered, as I watched him at different points during the evening, strike up a conversation and flirt with every single girl in the crew—except me.
As un-feminist as I’m sure it is, and as much my Sagittarian self wants to say f**k the world and embrace my life of singleness in a blaze of principled feminist big girl glory, the #truestory is that I’m seriously trying to figure out how I can get my J. I also know being thinner won’t guarantee me a date, but I’m willing to bet it’ll improve my chances.
Feel free to weigh in in the comments on your experiences dating as a big girl, your thoughts on the sometimes un-feminist things we do for love, or anything else you wanna say.
I’ve interviewed thousands of men in my career as a dating expert and journalist, and I’ve noticed that on every rundown of what it is that men are looking for in a woman, weight inevitably sneaks high on the list, usually in the form of “She works out” or “She stays fit” or “She is concerned about her weight and personal appearance” — i.e., she’s not fat.
as women is difficult, because it can make us feel powerless and/or less-than-feminist.
And a third, fundamentally more well-meaning group, will come over an give anecdotes about all the thick chicks they know who have male partners.